Eye Of The Storm

I have said it before, and now, with the final weeks of this election, I feel I must say it again -- I'm tired of it all. I want this election to be over and done with. I want the next leader of the free world to be decided upon and for our country to be able to move on. I want people to get what they want so that I no longer have to read or hear the desperation anymore. I want people to stop urging me to vote, claiming that they don't want to tell me who to choose but making it pretty darn clear that if I don't vote for their candidate, I'm uninformed, unenlightened and down-right wrong.

I am one of those undecided voters that each candidate wants in their camp come November 4th. Undecided is a difficult spot in which to be right now. I wish I had the passion for a candidate that others have, but being very moderate in my views, I have a hard time choosing. I don't view either side as evil or, conversely, as the savior of our troubled country. I think both candidates care deeply about our country--they just have differing views on what is best for it. (But, lets be honest, both men are deeply ambitious as well --otherwise, neither would be where they are today.) I see both sides as having solutions--some I agree with, some I don't. I'm in limbo, and I wish that was not the case. I wish I felt strongly enough to go canvas my community in an attempt to put my candidate in the White House. I wish I was able to throw caution to the wind and blatantly urge others to vote for someone I want desperately to win. But, that's not where I am. I am simply just trying to make up my mind amid the wind storm of opinions swirling around me.

You see, I feel that no matter who ends up leading, I know our country will recover and prevail because that is who we are. That is what we do. We are strong and smart and ready for change--and believe it or not, no matter who wins, we will have change. It's a universal law that nothing is forever--except change. We are at a low point now, but with the ebb and flow that is part of this world, we will get back our footing and be able to stand strong. I believe our country will strengthen and prevail regardless of the number of 'blue' or 'red' votes on the electoral map at the end of election day.

I hope that in the next couple of weeks, I see more people telling those of us who are undecided why their candidate is best, not why the other guy is so horribly bad. I hope they stop telling me that this is a historic election and that I should vote--all in a veiled attempt to keep me from voting for the one they think is the bad guy. Just give me the straight facts about the guy you like if you're passionate enough to voice your opinion. Give me something positive to chew on while I make my decision, not a mouthful of hatred. Hatred comes from fear-- and believe me, fear is running rampant on both sides of the aisle.

So, for a while longer, here I sit, still undecided, in the eye of the storm, just waiting for it to all be over. I'll try to look past all the fear and negativity outside and make a decision--here in the center of it all--with which I can live peacefully.

Just Do It

Most days I have a never ending To Do List. Whether it's in my head, or I actually write it down, The List is always following me like a needy puppy. I tend to measure my sense of accomplishment (and maybe my self worth) by this list and the number of check marks on it. I go through most of my days with very few tasks completed, and as a result, I don't feel like I measure up very well. Crumbs have set up permanent residence on my kitchen floor; my bathrooms require a HAZMAT suit to use them (which makes showering a bit pointless); I've lost my patience with my kids (yet again); I have no plan for dinner despite my third trip to the grocery store this week; the side porch railings still need to be primed and painted; and that doctor's appointment is not going to schedule itself. What the hell have I done this week? Where are my check marks? Why does everyone else seem to have their sh#@* together so much more than I do?

Or, do they?

If I stop beating myself up for half a second and take a look from a different perspective, I might just find a reason to give myself a check mark or two.

Did I clean a bathroom this week? No, but I did get a part-time job at the mall's customer service center for 8 hours per week while Blue is in preschool. It's not a career (I actually like to think of it as a 'joblette'), but you never know where it could lead, and, more importantly, I took action instead of just thinking about it. Check!

Did I practice perfect patience with my kids? No, but I discovered a better way to entice Boogah to finish his homework. And when he finished it (with a 1/2 hour to spare before dinner I might add), I told him repeatedly how proud I was of him and how much I loved him. Check!

Did I schedule a doctor's appointment today? Actually, I scheduled three -- all for me. Check!

Did I prime and paint the porch railings? No, but I ran 3.25 miles on the treadmill at the gym--the farthest I've run in years, proving to myself that I have more stamina than I thought I did. And when I finished the run, I told myself how proud I was of me and how much I (need to) love me. Check!

My original To Do List still remains somewhat lacking in check marks. I still haven't swept up those damn crumbs from my kitchen floor, but I see that despite a few pesky undone household chores, I do accomplish things. So does that maybe, just maybe, mean that I actually do measure up? Check!