And Now What?

Well, the school year is officially underway. (Say it with me now, "Hallelujah!") Both boys have their first (and second for the older one) week under their belt. Everyone is well acquainted with their teachers, classroom and fellow students. After last year, which was a big year of 'firsts' with Boogah starting Kindergarten and Blue starting preschool, this year, so far, seems pretty manageable. Both boys have good friends from last year in their classes again, which is always comforting, and they have both matured quite a bit (relatively speaking) since this time last year. So, I'm breathing a little sigh of relief. Not only for the few precious hours to myself when they are both in school, but also because I think they will both have great years.

The question I have now is: what am I going to do with myself?

I was hoping to find a fun part time job that would enable me to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE while the boys are in school. A little extra money around here wouldn't hurt either -- I haven't been shoe shopping in forever people! I jest of course (well, for the most part--it HAS been forever since I've had a new pair of shoes). Helping to pay off the credit card or actually save some money each month would be nice, too. Plus, I think after so many years as a stay-at-home mom (7 years and counting), I'm in the midst of an identity crises, or maybe it's a self esteem issue or, more than likely, all of the above and more. When I really take a look at it, I think I'm disappointed in myself that I never tried to be a working mom --or at least a part-time working mom. I see other moms at my boys' schools who are lawyers or doctors, but who have managed to find a good work/family balance by working part-time. I have to admit, I get a little jealous when I see them in their nice clothes heading off to do important things. And I get a little mad at myself because I really don't know if I could actually juggle it all like they do. Hell, I get overwhelmed and bitchy if I have more than one or two things going on in my day. Maybe this is simply because that's what I'm used to. Maybe I could handle more. I'd like to think I could.

Well, what I do know is that the right thing will come a long at the right time. And in the mean time, I'm fixing up this house so that maybe one day I can move to a new one (of course a job is a key factor in that whole fantasy, too). Right now I'm completely obsessed with painting the doors-- I literally had a 'calling' to paint my front door last week. So, I've got the first coat on now and will finish up the second coat tomorrow. It's a bright red (it was a dull, peeling, darker red before). I'll be painting the doors on the side of the house to match it next week. I'm not sure why this project was suddenly so important, but I might as well do it now--you know, since the kids are in school and since I don't have a job and all. Who knows? Maybe I'm just preparing for when my new career opportunity comes a-knocking!

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(Seven years ago today, I, newly returned from the hospital, sat in the safety of my bedroom holding my newborn son. As I began my transition into motherhood, I watched, in horror, as the Twin Towers vaporized into a crumbling heap of rubble. It seemed like the end of the world. I wept in mourning for those who lost their lives and for those who lost their loved ones, but I also wept in fear and gratitude for the new little life I held tightly in my arms. I will never forget that morning--for many reasons. And I hope we, as a nation, will never forget. Let's hope that those new, little lives who have arrived in this mixed up world since 9/11/2001 will never, ever have to experience anything like the events that occurred on that horrible day. Let's hope that something heals the hatred in the world, once and for all.)